Hello, hello, hello!!!
I am glad you are still here in a new year! Life is not to be taken for granted. You would not believe the number of people who lose their lives on the 31st of December each year. But you were not one of them, by God’s grace, you are here! You have another opportunity to align yourself with what God created you to be. I think that’s just amazing.
A blessed new year to you. May you fulfill God’s mandate for the year for you.
Psalm 68:19 (MSG) Blessed be the Lord—day after day he carries us along. He’s our Savior, our God, oh yes! He’s God-for-us, he’s God-who-saves-us.
As I reflect back on 2023, I am in awe of how God came through for me consistently, some ways even movie-style dramatic that left me with shivers. I am so thankful!
You know, I remember vividly when God told me to start this blog to give Him glory through my life story and my most blatant response was well, how do I give you glory with the story of my life, it’s not like it has amounted to much yet that can wow anyone into giving you glory…
Oh, the arrogance! Telling the Creator God who is crafting your life story that, sorry but this story you are crafting has no glory at all. I repent.
When God asked me to start this blog, I genuinely had no idea what that really was. I just vaguely knew the word ‘blog’ of course but that was just about it. It amazes me when I think of it now that I get to write stuff down and you take your time to read it! Thank you!
2 Corinthians 13:14 May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.
Anyway, let’s go to the agenda of the day…
By now we have established that I grew up very skinny and it seemed to guarantee horrible treatment consistently. To pick a select few scenarios, random primary school kids could pass me by in a random street and use me as an insult to one another to say ‘you are this skinny girl/when you grow up you will look like this skinny girl’ and the other one would be EXTREMELY mad to be called me to the point of wanting to cry or even get into a fist fight over it. Never mind the laughs and jeering that accompanied that whole ordeal. A stranger could be driving past me, pop their head out as they drove past and say ‘you are the real definition of being skinny, you should be the reason the word was created”, an accounting teacher could ask for those who didn’t understand a concept so that she can repeat it, and if I did raise my hand, she would retaliate by saying ‘you are good for nothing, it’s because you are skinny that’s why you don’t understand simple concepts.’ Last but not least, a relative could jokingly say ‘who will ever marry these bones, you need to be fed some potatoes‘
Unreasonably brutal it was. It was almost as if I had a persistent, psychotic, demonic stalker that followed me everywhere only to declare ‘you are not good enough, you are not good enough, you are not good enough‘ to me over and over and over again through as many mouths as were willing.
Eventually I interpreted these vile comments to mean I was unlovable and I desperately wanted to prove it wrong. To cement all this, most of my high school classmates started having boyfriends in the second grade of high school. Whether that’s a good thing or bad thing is a topic on its own. Bottom line is yours-truly had not so much as received a fake prank interest from any guy all the way to 6th high school grade, which is the last level of high school. It must be true, I thought, I will never get married, I will never find someone who loves me, I am too skinny for any purpose, I can’t even, at least, find someone who asks me out and I get to say no! *laughs*
You know what, let’s backtrack a bit to my primary school days. At approximately 10 years old, after having read the Revelation book of the Bible from the small blue Gideons Bible that I had borrowed from the library, I passionately and consistently made an innocent prayer in which I begged God to preserve me and hide me from the sight of boys so that I could finish at least my high school education without any distractions. It is quite interesting then that when He proceeded to answer that prayer, instead of it becoming a testimony of His love and faithfulness towards me, the devil manipulated my perception to interpret it as God abandoning me and leaving me helpless, unlovable and alone.
The more I wanted to prove myself lovable, the more I idolized the idea of finding a knight in shining armor that would walk into my life and love me in an obsessive (seemingly sweet yet unhealthy) way. I had no criteria as to what I really would prefer in this supposed knight, as long as he said the password ‘I love you’. Without detailing much of my consequent stupid dating history, let me assure you that instead of the gold-coated knight, I seemed to attract a peculiar type. A fatherless guy who in some cases also had a strained relationship with their mom and as such had no idea how to love another person or even receive love. Of course they were detached, abusive, chaotic and a guarantee to further heartbreak. In some cases, it was so bad to a point where my supposed ‘bae’ at some point told me that I was undeserving of love that’s why even my parents could not stand me long enough, they had to die and leave me loveless, and according to his ‘wisdom’, if my own parents could not stand me I should forget completely the prospects of another person actually genuinely loving me. This statement alone must paint a vivid picture of the caliber.
Despite my deep desire to prove myself lovable, it just seemed to not happen, in fact, it seemed to cement that it must have been true, being lovable was probably not on the cards…
2 Corinthians 2:11 After all, we don’t want to unwittingly give Satan an opening for yet more mischief—we’re not oblivious to his sly ways!
I am a staunch believer of the reality that there are only two kingdoms at play in our lives & on earth (& anywhere else really). Of course, they can be fragmented into different subsections or subdivisions, but at the very core of it all, there are only two kingdoms at play in all creation. The kingdom of light and the kingdom of darkness. In simple terms; the kingdom of God, The I AM, & the kingdom of the devil. Anything you see, hear, pursue or experience in your life is always either coming from or serving one of these two kingdoms at any given point in life. These kingdoms are spiritual kingdoms of course, which, at times, makes them sound fictitious to the average person. Also, by nature, both these kingdoms are determined to see their plans become a reality and are willing to actively make it a reality and utilize all the resources available to them to ensure that come what may, their agenda is fulfilled.
There are many strategies each kingdom deploys, but let’s just pay attention to one today; communication. (FYI: Although I may seem to compare them as if they were at par, of course these kingdoms are not equal. God’s kingdom is significantly more powerful than the devil’s in all aspects of measurement & as such, cannot be compared to the devil’s, but that’s not the focus here) Back to communication: the Bible puts it this way: There are, it may be, so many kinds of voices in the world, and none of them is without signification. (1 Corinthians 14:10)
In God’s kingdom, God governs His kingdom through principles and patterns that even He doesn’t break and one of the ways he ensures there is communication is through training his children to identify His voice in a pool of voices. He says; My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me (John 10:27).
On the other hand, the devil doesn’t respect any boundaries, his agenda is to also speak to the very same sheep and create all forms of chaos & destruction which is synonymous with his kingdom. His favorite mode of communication is of deception, half-truths and blatant lies.
Voices influence action and ultimately, reality. This is why companies are willing to invest in influencer marketing where famous people recommend a brand and in turn, everyone who trusts this famous person, suddenly wants to buy a product that they initially didn’t care about and probably don’t even need, in turn driving sales. This is also why a notable number of governments and politicians invest significant effort in propaganda news or rally election campaigns. In less weighty scenarios, this is why a new born baby cries to get the attention of their parent or when someone randomly starts singing loudly in the midst of a quiet crowd, everyone will inevitably turn their heads. It is very seldom that you will hear a voice and what it has to say and not think about or ultimately act on what that voice said. In fact, it is most critical now in the social media age to pay attention to what you are paying attention to if you are stay in alignment with God because it is a space of continuous speaking targeted to influence your behavior in one way or the other.
Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.
God created us valuable in his sight. In His word, He tends to use words like ‘far more precious than rubies‘, ‘workmanship‘, ‘treasure in earthen vessels‘, ‘fearfully and wonderfully made‘, ‘apple of His eye‘, ‘most prized possession‘ to refer to us. That is our identity and position in the kingdom of light. However, without conscious effort, it is easier to believe ourselves to be otherwise because either an internal or external force or a combination of both convinces us so.
God loves me now just as much as He loved me then. The same goes for the people in my life who were not necessarily a boyfriend, but loved me so deeply then and some still do now. I would like to believe that both God and the people in my life tried their best to pour their love into me. However, because of the persistent, negative voice I kept being exposed to & paying attention to, it was very hard to see. Instead, I ended up subjecting myself to more pain and suffering than was necessary.
It is my prayer today that you are not blinded by the enemy in the way you perceive your reality. As I prepare to sign out, let me emphasize that you need to be very aggressively selective of the words you meditate on and discern who the true source of those words is. There are voices that speak to hurt us, offend us, make us act unbecomingly, and some that are subtle that seek to bribe us into action or convince us deceptively to put ourselves in situations we will regret. May God grant you the discernment you need to discern the source of each voice that speaks in your life. Every voice has signification according to scripture. There are destiny-defining decisions you cannot afford to make/not make because you listened to the wrong voice.
I thank God consistently that He did not dump me to my own ways or attempts to be loved. He pursued me relentlessly until I understood that only He could fill the void of wanting to be lovable. He also in the process, surrounded me with loving people over the course of my life and it is a testament of his mercy. I still actively fight off thoughts fueled by hell that seek to bring me back to a place of despair and so can you. I will not partake of that nonsense ever again (& neither should you).
PRAYER FOR YOU
Father I thank you for your love that is everlasting. I thank you for (insert your name)’s life. I pray that you help keep guard over their eye gate and ear gate and that they will be good stewards of these two gates you have blessed them with. I pray that you keep them in perfect peace and train them to have their eyes set on you. I pray that they let go of all the devilish words that may have been said to them by the enemy. May they be sheep that hear only your voice and disregard all the others that are not from you. I pray that you help them forgive the people who have probably said words to them that crush their well being. May you do the emotional and mental healing required for them. Amen.