I know that title is very catchy and we will get back to that in a moment…
It’s the last day of 2024 today, and I know that this day can come with a lot of heartache over unfulfilled goals. Just to encourage anyone in this boat, rest in the reality that goals, achieved or unachieved, are not always the most accurate indicators of God’s presence or absence in our lives.
Think of Joseph, his exciting dream was to rule and reign, yet, for a season, his reality was separation from his loving dad, rejection & betrayal by his brothers, slavery, & wrongful imprisonment in a foreign land. Yet, the Bible is clear that even during these phases, God was with him
This uncomfortable reality was not for two days either, it took years to see the dream come to pass. Yet, ultimately, when Joseph looked back, he could credit his entire journey, including the worst episodes of it, to have been God working out everything for his good. This could potentially be your testimony too, take heart and hold on to God, run to Him, not away from Him with your disappointments and hurts, if you have any lingering in your heart.
Another thing to keep in mind when you see all the social media reels or WhatsApp statuses of people recapping what went well for them in 2024 is to acknowledge that we are all in different seasons of our journeys. There are seasons others seem to have it easier than you do, do not look at others’ seasons and fret over your own.
To someone who never knew the times Joseph spent in prison, he looked pretty ‘lucky’ to be the Prime Minister of Egypt, to someone who didn’t know God’s plan for Jesus, His hanging on the cross seemed like a very hopeless situation. To someone who saw Abraham packing up to go to a land God was yet to show him, he probably looked like he was having a mid-life crisis. To someone who saw Job scratching himself and lamenting over his loss, it looked like there was never going to be a turnaround for him…
The point is our journeys don’t usually use the same routes. Neither do we travel the same distance, nor use the same mode of transport for our journeys. Rest in the fact that your journey is unique to your destiny and find joy in your own path as you navigate the journey with God.
That being said, happy 2025 in advance, may God exceed your thoughts, imaginations, and requests in the new year, and may He crown your year with goodness and fill your mouth with laughter!
Psalm 65:11-13 You crown the year with your bounty, and your carts overflow with abundance.
12 The grasslands of the wilderness overflow; the hills are clothed with gladness.
13 The meadows are covered with flocks, and the valleys are mantled with grain; they shout for joy and sing.
Now back to the topic of the day, I know most ministries begin the year with days of fasting and prayer so this blog seems quite timely based on the theme I want to talk about today, which, if summarized, comes down to these few words; ‘when you pray, and get what seems to be an answer to your prayer, be discerning. Do not always be quick to assume that the first answer you get is actually from God.’
2 Corinthians 11:4 And it is no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light;
Because we have an enemy that is a master illusionist, super-keen on deceiving us by appearing as the angel of light time and again, we need the gift of discernment ever-so-desperately when we ‘receive answers to prayer’.
Remember the story of Jesus fasting for 40 days and 40 nights in Matthew 4:1-11? Who was the first to appear before him just after he had finished His season of prayer and fasting? The devil! With what? A bunch of seemingly scriptural solutions to Jesus’ needs or priorities at that time!
This should be an eye-opener to be very discerning about the answers you receive after prayer. If you are observant, you will realize that there are usually two scenarios that suddenly present themselves when you pray. Suddenly you move from joblessness to two job offers, from being single to two people presenting themselves and seeming ‘serious’, from no university responding to your application to suddenly being accepted by two institutions…
Please watch and pray.
Now to my story…
…Before I went back to my 4th and final year of varsity, we had a church conference at our local assembly and had a guest worship leader visit us for the conference. This particular worship leader was from the national choir, which was the highest choir in our church and quite a weighty choir to belong to. If you belonged to this choir, the assumption, at least on my part, was that you were one of the best worshippers in the entire nation’s assemblies and that you had great spiritual stamina to land that role.
For context, in our church, we had different assemblies based on location, starting from the local assembly to the provincial assembly, to the regional assembly and the biggest was the national assembly. This meant that for weekly church meetings, one belonged to a local church, and if there was a conference in the province, the local assemblies within that province would gather together, the same applied to the regional and ultimately the national conferences.
This meant that for service departments in the higher assemblies, each congregation would submit certain individuals who were the best in each local department; for example, the best worship leader in a local congregation would most likely serve in the provincial or national choir.
Anyway, during this guest minister’s visit, I happened to also be serving in the local assembly choir so we sat next to each other during the first night of his visit. I knew of this guy before his visit but not on a personal level so even though we sat next to each other, we barely spoke to each other beyond the Pastor’s ‘greet the person sitting next to you’ request, which we casually did.
I also didn’t pay that much attention to him outside of acknowledging how well-dressed he was in a good quality, fairly on-trend suit that was actually his size! If you know anything about the average Christian single brothers from traditional churches, you know that dressing well is not really their forte. Dare I say many of them need to marry and get a suitable helper in that department because more often than not the clothes are usually either oversized in an unflattering way, or the color combinations are usually a bit strange, and just keeping up with flattering fashionable trends is usually the last of their concerns.
So, to see one rare well-dressed species was quite fascinating. To top it off he was also quite an amazing singer. In hindsight, I understand now what one of my favorite worship leaders Steffany Gretzinger says about worship that there is worship that is of the spirit and worship that is of adrenaline. I didn’t know this then but I know it now. I know now that an amazing voice is not necessarily anointing; and only those who walk with the Holy Spirit can differentiate between the two.
Just from observing him lead worship and seeing the way he was dressed, I drew a few conclusions. That he most likely had a very good job for him to afford a suit like that, that he must have his life in order, for him to even consider buying a suit like that. I even concluded that he was possibly engaged to a very beautiful girl who also had a very good job and relationship with God because he just looked well put together. I also concluded based on how well he seemed to worship, that he had a very good relationship with God.
Needless to say, when the conference came to an end, so went the memory of this guy. (I must admit though that when I got home, there seemed to be a fascination about the ‘guy I was sitting next to’ to which I secretly side-eyed everyone for having random questions about a random guy.)
Fast forward to a few weeks after that, the elderly women at church organized a prayer retreat for themselves and the younger girls in church. This was meant to be a prayer mountain retreat to pray about many things; including current marriages for those married, and future spouses for those yet to be married. I vividly remember praying for my supposed spouse and feeling pretty confident that God had heard me loud and clear on that.
After this prayer retreat, I felt very refreshed in my relationship with God. Just being around other praying women inspired me to get the fire burning in my own relationship with Him. If my memory serves me right, that night when we got back home, while I was alone in my room, I was filled with the Holy Spirit while listening to Nigerian worshipper; Sinach’s song about the Holy Spirit. And although I had limited understanding of what it signified to speak in tongues at the time and got spooked out into silence, the reality is I was already filled with the Holy Spirit.
Here is when the story gets interesting; the next morning when I checked my phone, alas, that fancy worship guest minister had initiated a conversation with me. I was quite intrigued that he would even consider me his type. (I had very low self-esteem at the time.) Based on the fasting and prayers at the mountain for a God-fearing stable spouse, I was quick to assume that this guy’s reaching out was my answered prayer, so I warmed up to talking to him to get to know this possible future spouse of mine.
Just from the conversations, he seemed to say ‘the Bible says’ in every fourth sentence of his, his status updates were always Bible verses so it appeared to be just the kinda guy any regular Christian girl would pray for. He also was quite an exceptional chef with 5-star restaurant cooking and plating skills, and the lover-of-fancy-things in me was very impressed and visualized myself living lavishly as his future wife. I also discovered that he was a fashion designer so again the fashion-lover in me was ecstatic. Conversations with him were equally easy-flowing so he seemed to be the most ideal ‘guy from God for me’.
For one reason or the other, however, we never got to meet in person until the guy suddenly disappeared without explanation. It was just a few days to the infamous Valentine’s Day so I concluded that had been the issue. Based on this ungentlemanly behavior, I let go of the idea of him being from God and carried on with my life
Just a side note to the single girl reading this, let me just go ahead and give a huge disclaimer…just because that brother comes to church, or speaks in tongues, or serves in ushering or in choir or in the prayer department, or is in one leadership role or the other does not necessarily mean he is your potential husband, okay? All these are good qualities to look out for, but they are not the end all, be all of getting the right partner for you. God has specific plans for your life and it is incredibly important that the person you get married to is compatible with those plans God has.
Genesis 2: 18 (AMPC) 18 Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.
God mentioned comparability when he was making Eve for Adam meaning the best possible spouse for Adam was actually Eve. He did not make 5 different ‘God-fearing women’ and asked Adam to just choose whatever he wanted.
I often hear many well-meaning people claim that there is no ‘the one’ God has in store for anyone, everyone can just choose whatever spouse they want for themselves and as long they are God-fearing, that’s all that matters. They usually then add that what if your ‘the one’ is in Paris or India and you live in Zambia or Madagascar and I marvel at how limited their view of God must be. How limited and irrational this God must be to plan a partner for you only to plant them in a location inaccessible to you. How limited again He must really be that it is impossible to take you from Madagascar to Paris if need be.
I truly find it super concerning how anyone can be convinced that God could plan every other detail of your life only to get to the aspect of your spouse and say ‘oopsy, this one is on you, I don’t want to get involved”.
Psalm 139: 16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance, and in Your book all the days [of my life] were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them. 17 How precious and weighty also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 If I could count them, they would be more in number than the sand. When I awoke, [could I count to the end] I would still be with You.
Just from observation, marriage is one of the most all-encompassing covenants one can ever enter into with another human being. It carries within itself the potential to greatly slow you down or speed you up in your destiny and even potentially completely throw you off your path of destiny depending on the wisdom you use when making that crucial decision.
My sincere question then becomes, why then would God leave it completely to you to figure out this significant aspect of your life on your own and concern Himself with small things like counting the number of hairs on your head? Think also of Rebekah and Isaac’s case in Genesis 24, the servant Abraham sent prayed for specific qualities in the woman he intended to find for his master’s son and it is only one Rebekah who showed up at the well, not 7 potentials who had similar qualities and he just selected any from among them.
Do not be deceived. God has a specific plan for your life and that plan includes the spouse you will get married to. He did not leave that aspect blurry when he was planning out your life before even creating you. This does not take away the aspect of free will, of course. YES, you have room to choose to align with God’s will for you concerning this aspect of your life or do your own thing, but this is not unique to just getting a spouse, you can also just choose to not align with God in every other aspect of your life including the career to pursue, whether or not to give your life to Christ, whether or not to obey His commands. This does not dismiss the unchanging reality that God has a specific plan for your life.
Jeremiah 29:11 (AMPC) For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts, and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.
Think of it this way, what will it profit an all-knowing God to plan your life to the last micro-second, only for your spouse to come and disrupt it? What good is it for God to plan for you to be a minister of the gospel in Uganda only for you to choose a spouse who gets you to relocate to Dubai and live there all your life? What good is it for God to create you with the plan to make you a kingdom financier in a ministry of his choice, only for you to end up with a stingy partner that makes it impossible to finance anything in any capacity whatsoever as he micromanages even the number of tomatoes you get to buy?
Single lady, I beg of you, do not be deceived, seek God’s will for your spouse. In God’s eyes, this aspect of your life is not as haphazard as the deceiver would want you to believe. You need to be equally yoked to a spouse comparable and suitable for you. Ask God to reveal the truth to you about it. If he cares about your job and is keen to guide you on that, why on earth would he leave your marriage?
SIGH…
Fast forward to maybe three months later, after another fasting and praying for my future spouse, not necessarily to meet him, but just banking prayers for the future, the very next day, that worshipper resurfaced again. He proceeded to apologize for disappearing on me and shared a long story that he had lost my number and asked for it from someone from church who gave him the wrong number and so, for months he had been apologizing to another girl from church he thought was me. This girl had kept reading these messages and ignoring them, which to him was a signal that I was very mad at him so he kept at it. He even had screenshots of this and his story checked out so I believed his saga.
Upon my acceptance to just let the past go and be friends again at least, he visited us at church that very Sunday to see me. After church, I got to meet him in person for the first time since that conference and instantly became very unsettled. I could not quite pinpoint why that was the case but being around him gave me great discomfort so I didn’t spend beyond 15 minutes with him.
To my surprise, later that night, he immediately started posting pictures of me on his status calling me his girlfriend. While I was still trying to even process when I had agreed to become his girlfriend, people from church who knew both of us inboxed me congratulating me on this supposed relationship. Because he was this reputable worshipper, I felt the need to play along and not embarrass him by telling these people that I was not really his girlfriend. When I confronted him concerning this, he seemed to just brush it off and claim that I was indeed his girlfriend, matter-of-factually.
Bewildered as I was, I really didn’t take myself that seriously so I just reasoned out that a God-fearing guy was not a bad option after all so when he insisted on taking me out for lunch, I reluctantly accepted. On the day of this supposed lunch, I was earlier than he was and when he finally showed up, I heard a voice clearly within me while I was looking at him approaching that said to me; THIS IS NOT GOD’S WILL FOR YOU. This statement confused and unsettled me but I tried to brush it off. I rather kept asking myself what it meant, despite it being very obvious.
The feeling of unease, howeverm did not leave me even when we got to the restaurant. I n fact, the moment I sat across this guy, I heard it again; THIS IS NOT GOD’S WILL FOR YOU, THIS GUY IS GAY.
Almost instantly, I then remembered how I had once heard that gay guys wore a black ring on a particular finger to signal to each other that they were in the same league. As I was still thinking of that, I looked at his hands and alas, he was holding a black ring in his hands! Ah! He was not necessarily wearing it, but he had a black ring that he was fiddling with in his hands which immediately slipped off his hands and fell on my end of the table. I then picked this black ring up, held it in my hands, looked at it, and handed it back to him. Mind you, all this was happening as quickly as a movie on fast-forward
At this point, it was as if my mind was going wild with the HE IS GAY, MY GOODNESS HE IS GAY! THEN WHY IS HE PURSUING ME? HE HAS THE INFAMOUS BLACK RING, OH MY GOODNESS, HE ACTUALLY HAS THE INFAMOUS BLACK RING! BUT HE GOES TO CHURCH, HE EVEN KEEPS QUOTING SCRIPTURES RIGHT NOW, WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON HERE? WHO IS THIS GUY?! While all these thoughts were being processed, I was still maintaining conversation as if everything was normal.
On the other side of the table sat this guy who kept quoting scripture in every third thing he said. To this date, I have never sat across anyone who was that ‘Bible-speaking’. He was the type of guy that you would try to complain about it raining all day and inconveniencing your plans to do laundry that day and he would immediately say ‘No, don’t say that, it is God who sends the rain to the field of the wicked and the righteous so we should be thankful that it is raining because this means vegetation is receiving refreshing.’ This made it even more confusing that this guy would be gay so, of course, I worked hard to try and dismiss that thought.
After this lunch, when we were about to say our goodbyes when this guy would try to come near me, I would instantly move away from him without even thinking of it, almost as if he was repelling me. I am not talking about sensual closeness, just him drawing near to me as any ordinary person would, would cause me to move far from him by default. I almost got goosebumps from being spooked out by this guy trying to hug me to say goodbye. Again, I don’t mean one of those cozy hugs, just a very brotherly-sisterly 3-second hug. It made me want to instantly crawl out of my skin and flee to the farthest destination available.
When I got home, I could not believe the most traumatic & disturbing date I had just had. On one hand, this guy had just been saying all the right words about purity being a priority to him in our relationship and all that jazz, yet, on the other hand, what I now believe to be the Holy Spirit had just warned me on how he was not God’s will for me. What was I supposed to do with this contradiction in reality?
It will disappoint you to know that I foolishly decided to ignore it and give this ‘relationship’ a month with the excuse that if he was really gay, how come he could worship in church at all levels of the church without anyone picking it up? Surely, if it was so, all those anointed pastors and elders and deacons and prophets and church leadership should have picked it by now. (Side note: he did change churches during our relationship so I assume it was because of that) I then concluded that I was very young in the spirit to hear accurately about such deep things.
It is also important to note that at this point, homosexuality was not very common in Zimbabwe. It was taboo, if anything. It still is, to be honest, but at that time, it was more of a myth that such people existed and that you could meet them in person. This is also what made it a little far-fetched for me to claim that a guy from church was gay!
DISCLAIMER: There is no junior Holy Spirit, the same Holy Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead resides in you if you have received him. So if you hear from him, your version is not the junior version that is little and incapable of accuracy, it is God, believe Him!
Romans 8: 9-11 But you are not living the life of the flesh, you are living the life of the Spirit, if the [Holy] Spirit of God [really] dwells within you [directs and controls you]. But if anyone does not possess the [Holy] Spirit of Christ, he is none of His [he does not belong to Christ, is not truly a child of God]. 10 But if Christ lives in you, [then although] your [natural] body is dead by reason of sin and guilt, the spirit is alive because of [the] righteousness [that He imputes to you]. 11 And if the Spirit of Him Who raised up Jesus from the dead dwells in you, [then] He Who raised up Christ Jesus from the dead will also restore to life your mortal (short-lived, perishable) bodies through His Spirit Who dwells in you.
Although I didn’t fully understand the infilling of the Holy Spirit, He indeed dwelt within me and warned me of this guy. And although I dismissed His whispers, He did not stop warning me to run from this gay guy. So in a matter of days, I quickly left for varsity as I didn’t want to meet with this guy again. I could try and brush off the idea of him being gay, but deep inside me I knew it was true that he was gay. I knew it was too random a concept for me to just think of out of the blue.
Upon reflection, I also noticed how this guy seemed to have a gazillion people he intended to introduce me to as a matter of urgency. It was almost as if he needed to pacify people and assure them that he was not gay because he had me. He had an unusual sense of urgency to introduce me to the whole yard and the chicken and since he was a fashion designer, he was even willing to design all my fancy outfits for going to meet these people.
Ideally, all this should have made me happy, because it would have meant he was serious about me and wanted to be accountable to the people that mattered to him, but for some strange reason, it all felt rushed, awkward, and spooky and worried me greatly. Ultimately, this relationship didn’t last beyond a month, because I finally decided to leave him after a very minor disagreement and he barely protested.
About two weeks after leaving this God-forsaken relationship, I randomly went on Facebook and saw an old friend request from this guy that he had sent whilst we were still ‘dating’. I am barely on Facebook in general so at this point, I had probably not been on Facebook for over two months so I had missed this friend request. Just out of sheer curiosity, I chose to see what was on his page, and boy oh boy! Despite being disturbed by my countless overly filtered pictures there, his page had a whole lot of gay-related posts. From those claiming that God had delivered him from being gay and those claiming that someone had hacked his page and was posting about gay things without his permission, I just realized how stupid it had been for me to not even try and investigate this guy. It was as clear as daylight on his Facebook page that he was gay or at least had previously been according to him.
As I read all these disturbing posts, I couldn’t believe how accurate I had been in picking this up. When I met with him back then, he was not like one of those exaggerated gay people who speak in very exaggerated girly ways. To the best of my memory, he just spoke as a normal guy would. Of course, later on in this short whirlwind love story, he sometimes would send me pictures of him in public in atrociously short shorts that even I wouldn’t ordinarily wear at that length and I occasionally raised my eyebrows at that. To be fair, I barely saw this guy more than 5 times maximum, and three of those times, he had just been ministering in front, the other time it was not for more than 15 minutes, so in essence, it had been just one relatively lengthy lunch. Because of that, I also didn’t get to spend enough time with him to assess his mannerisms anyway.
#SIGH
I will say this again, be careful of some of what appears to be ‘answered prayers’. Many people have derailed their destinies by deceptive versions of answered prayers. Twice I prayed for a spouse and twice this guy kept immediately appearing almost out of the blue soon after. This to me, was ‘confirmation’ that he was to be my spouse but it really wasn’t. There is no way in all creation, God would have answered my prayer by granting me a gay spouse.
Settle this in your mind, God will never answer anyone’s prayer for a spouse by intentionally giving them an unsaved spouse because He doesn’t unequally yoke His children with unbelievers. Neither will He give anyone a business idea that requires them to bribe and smuggle things around. Nor will He give anyone a lifestyle that requires them to go to a witch doctor or drown in debt to maintain.
James 1:16-17 16 Do not be misled, my beloved brethren. 17 Every good gift and every perfect ([d]free, large, full) gift is from above; it comes down from the Father of all [that gives] light, in [the shining of] Whom there can be no variation [rising or setting] or shadow cast by His turning [as in an eclipse].
God is consistent with His word! If He says do not be given to alcohol, or fornication, and your ‘the one’ is someone who draws you to alcohol and fornication, and all forms of iniquity, forget it, they are not from Him. This is because He can not give you what He opposes since you are someone He actually loves and there is no wickedness in Him anyway.
Psalm 138: 2 I will worship toward Your holy temple and praise Your name for Your loving-kindness and for Your truth and faithfulness; for You have exalted above all else Your name and Your word and You have magnified Your word above all Your name!
As we enter this new year, it is my prayer for you to be sober and vigilant such that you don’t find yourself figuratively drinking poison thinking it is a blessing from God. Take time in the Word of God and in fellowshiping with the Holy Spirit. That way you will always know what is best for you. Imagine, how horribly it would have ended had I gotten married to a gay guy. It is infuriating to even imagine that those are the kinds of traps the devil had strategically placed in my path. Thank God for the Holy Spirit!!!! Life is spiritual and it is to your advantage that you receive the Holy Spirit if you haven’t, and mature in your relationship with Him such that you can hear accurately what is good for you and also not good for you.
LET’S PRAY...
Ephesians 1:17-19 For I always pray to the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, that He may grant you a spirit of wisdom and revelation of insight into mysteries and secrets in the deep and intimate knowledge of Him, 18 By having the eyes of your heart flooded with light, so that you can know and understand the hope to which He has called you, and how rich is His glorious inheritance in the saints (His set-apart ones), 19 And [so that you can know and understand] what is the immeasurable and unlimited and surpassing greatness of His power in and for us who believe, as demonstrated in the working of His mighty strength,
May you have a blissful and heaven-backed 2025 in Jesus’ name! May you not be deceived by the devourer even as you pray. May you grow in discernment and soundness of mind in Jesus’ name.
Shalom. 🙂
Amen. Wooow 💥💥this is so so profound thank you!